When it comes to the holidays, we often feel obligated to buy certain gifts, attend all the gatherings and eat at every stop. It’s not anyone’s fault — loved ones are just trying to be hospitable. But how do you say no and not feel like you’re being rude? If you are feeling this way now or have in the past, there is hope. One way to navigate the holidays is to set boundaries.

Why boundaries matter and how to hold them

The holiday season brings opportunities for connection and celebration, but it can also create stress, pressure and emotional overwhelm. Setting healthy boundaries helps protect your time, energy and well-being so you can enjoy the season with more peace and presence.

Holidays often intensify expectations — family routines, social invitations, financial commitments or old emotional patterns. Boundaries help you stay grounded in what you can offer, instead of what you feel obligated to give. They make space for genuine joy instead of burnout.

Types of holiday boundaries

• Time boundaries: Limiting how many gatherings you attend or how long you stay.
• Emotional boundaries: Deciding which conversations you’re willing to engage in — and which you’re not.
• Financial boundaries: Setting spending limits or simplifying gift exchanges.
• Relational boundaries: Choosing who you spend time with and how much access people have to you.

How to set them gracefully

Boundaries don’t have to be harsh — they can be communicated with clarity and warmth. Use simple, direct statements like, “I can join for dinner, but not stay overnight,” or “I’m not discussing politics today.” It’s okay to say no without guilt. Remember, you’re not responsible for others’ reactions — you’re responsible for your well-being.

Practical tips

1. Decide your non-negotiables ahead of time.

Before the season begins, identify what matters most to you — rest, family time, spiritual practices, travel plans or simply keeping stress low. Use these priorities to guide your “yeses” and “nos.”

2. Limit your calendar.

Avoid saying yes on the spot. Try responses like:

• “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
• “I’m keeping things simple this year, so I may not be able to attend.”

Give yourself buffer days between events to rest and regroup.

3. Set a time boundary for events.

You can join a gathering without staying the whole time:

• “I can come from 4 to 6 p.m.”
• “I’d love to stop by, but I’ll need to head out early.”

Leaving early is not rude — it’s self-care.

4. Prepare phrases for uncomfortable topics.

Family gatherings can bring up unwanted conversations. Have a few go-to responses ready:

• “I’m not discussing that today.”
• “Let’s keep things positive.”
• “I’d rather talk about something else.”

Consistency is key, repeat as often as needed.

5. Create financial boundaries.

Overspending adds stress. Try:

• Setting a clear gift budget.
• Suggesting Secret Santa or homemade gifts.
• Communicating early: “I’m keeping gifts simple this year.”

6. Protect your emotional energy.

If certain environments or people drain you, plan accordingly:

• Bring a friend or partner for support.
• Drive separately so you can leave when you’re ready.
• Schedule downtime before and after gatherings.

7. Use technology intentionally.

It’s okay to turn off notifications or step away from group chats.

• “I’ll respond when I can.”
• “I’m unplugging for the weekend.”

Your time doesn’t have to be instantly accessible.

8. Honor your limits without over-explaining.

A simple, polite statement is enough:

• “I’m not able to do that this year.”
• “That doesn’t work for me.”

You don’t need to justify or provide a long reason.

9. Check in with yourself regularly.

Pause periodically and ask:

• “How am I feeling right now?”
• “Do I need rest, space or support?”

Giving yourself permission to adjust keeps resentment from building.

A healthier, happier holiday

Honoring your limits allows you to show up more authentically, enjoy what truly matters, and reduce unnecessary stress. By setting boundaries, you create space for peace — something the holidays are meant to celebrate.

We're excited to bring you this series, Navigating the Holidays, from Salem Health's Staff Engagement and Resiliency Advocate team. Our SERAs hum away in the background, helping us through good times and bad times.